June 7th 2016
This morning I returned to the doctors hoping to finally progress to the next stage of treatment for my knee, it’s been playing up recently and it is steadily becoming more and more troublesome. I can now make an educated assumption that I’ve torn the white area of the meniscus in my white knee and that without treatment it will not heal; this treatment will most likely come in one of two forms, either a meniscetomy or a meniscal repair. Any discussion over whether to pursue this course of action is of course welcome, but it is now my belief that action has to be taken in order to be effective!
Think slow. Act fast.
After my arduous walk to the doctors I strolled back through the park from whence I came with full intention of going back home, like always though, life had other plans. There’s a church about two hundred meters from where I live, it’s a comparatively small building but I was nevertheless drawn inside through some means or another.
I explained my situation to the Vicar, she seemed sympathetic to my plight and to the cause that I sported, improving myself in every way. I offered my services, to see if there was any way I could volunteer and help out around the grounds. It turns out that there was.
Against my better judgement I accepted the task of weeding the new rose garden. I worked in the garden from about half past nine until quarter past twelve and completed half of the alloted ground, after that their regular gardener, Andrew showed up and relieved me of service.
I feel as though my volunteering wasn’t entirely for altruistic purposes though. I feel as though I offered my help because I was angry, I still am angry! Angry at the world, at myself and at the fact that there’s always one more fucking hoop to jump through, one more hurdle to get over, one more thing holding me back! Well fuck that!
I am the master of my fate, me, myself, no one else!
In my quest to become a better person I’d forgotten that sometimes there’s no good call to be made, sometimes there’s no decision that you can make that benefits all parties… sometimes you’ve got to put yourself first, and the consequences of your actions for others be damned! It’s selfish, but as of writing this, I don’t care…