Straight in at the deep end with this post. I fell asleep at around nine AM this morning, it’s been difficult sleeping recently, most likely because of the recent panic attacks; after finally getting to sleep I managed to haul myself out of bed at around four PM, there’s not much going on these days, so the long sleeping hours (and their general time) tend to be a consequence of not having anything to get up for, I suppose.
Now, not ‘having’ anything to get up for doesn’t mean that I have nothing to look forwards too- Fallout 4 came out today. I was up before dawn ready to play, I mean come on, it’s a Bathesda game, how could I resist. I tried to get it to play and relented at around seven AM. I had to download a patch and, rather foolishly, thought to defrag my hard drive too… that took way too long and during which time I narrowly avoided two panic attacks.
So between sleeping and my adventures in the wasteland I actually managed to remember to call the doctors; I’ve been so angry and scared for so long now that it’s about time I did something about it. Perhaps they’ll send me to a specialist? It’s certainly what I hope for, I’d accept antidepressants in the immediate future, but I want to avoid thinking of them as a long term solution.
Other than that, today was pretty quiet. I know I’m blessed, I have food, water, a roof over my head and friends that care, even if most don’t truly understand the gravity of my problems… but the days just seem to get harder and harder, hopefully this is a start to getting better.