Today was rather underwhelming, useful though. I suppose the first step on a lengthy journey isn’t always the biggest but this was so minute I actually began to question its merit, though I suppose it could be a blessing in disguise.
The appointment was fairly late in the day, for the doctors at least and it all took less than twenty minutes. I walked in the door and there were the standard baseline questions, things like ”What’s wrong” and ”Does anything hurt anywhere” and as mundane as they sounds, they made it a lot easier than me going ”Doc… I’m fucked”.
So I told them about how I’ve been feeling and how everything’s been going, and I stressed to them, extensively how much my anger is scaring me and just how terrified I am about hurting someone, verbally mainly… but I could lash out and punch someone. Then what kind of a person would I be?
I’m not a violent person, I never have been, in fights in school and college, I never threw a punch, but I always got back up, I took every beating because I couldn’t stand the idea of hurting someone else. I still can’t and if I lashed out and hit someone, someone who didn’t deserve it… what would I be then?
I mentioned my knee too, but she seems to think that it’s simply pulled ligaments, so good news there and overall, it was a good trip to a good doctor.
My diet has been… rather unstable as of recent and its been more reliant on hot drinks than hot food, not good.
Sleep has been getting better, and I’ve been going to bed at around midnight most nights and waking up between the hours of seven and ten, so that’s going well and I’m beginning to notice that it’s increasing my productivity.
A good day.