Day 49: Old Friends We’ve Lost.

Today is the twenty ninth of December and it’s the birthday of my first friend, now most people would gush and praise how their first friend was a paragon of kinship that they, a ‘mere mortal’, can only aspire to be like. That is not the case here. We always walked different paths, I was more of a traditional academic, your standard high school nerd: kind, smart and very talented… but cynical and with a chip on my shoulder for my physical and social superiors; he was my opposite: strong, sporty and sociable but without the grasp on academia that I had and without care for attaining it.

By all means, had we met through normal means I can almost assure you that we would not have been friends, we were everything that the other was not! I know that the term is that opposites attract, but with the amount of fights that we had, I can swear to you, wholeheartedly, that we would not have been ‘pals’.

Our parents were firm friends and I mean it quite literally when I say, we’ve been friends since we were toddlers. To protect the innocent I wont mention his name, but for ease of purpose we’ll call him Daniel.

It was easy to remain friends through the early stages of high school, but it was never going to last, as occurs naturally at that age in life, some people excel and others stagnate- sadly I outpaced him at every turn. We began to chat less and less and we saw less and less of one another over the years, different classes and interests, different friends and places to be.

The only reason we managed to keep in touch was that we’d meet up every year, new years eve. That wont happen this year, it wont happen any year after this, our time is over and I lament my not being strong enough to stop that.

As, the irony of the situation is that now, he has a job somewhere else in the country, he has moved on in his life and I’m still here, he’s outpaced me at every turn.

So, for all the memories we’ve had and for all the memories that we may never get to have.

Happy Birthday Daniel.

He’s not my friend any more, he’s someone I don’t know and the same could be said of me, but, I will always remember our fights and friendship it’s something I will treasure always and maybe we’ll meet again.

If I choose it.


Day 48: Wasted Day.

Today was another wasted day, there was something that I could have done, I could have done anything, even reading a few pages out of a book would have been something, but I didn’t even do that, I did nothing at all and today wasn’t wasted because I did nothing- today was wasted because I had the will to do something and didn’t.

Christmas generally sours my mood, it’s a bit of a rough time for me, everyone seems to have someone, a family member, a friend that they can go see and spend the day with… I haven’t spent a Christmas with anyone in years. So the season is sort of soured for me, it’s like the festive treats turn to ash in my mouth and the warm atmosphere just chills me to my core.

I’ve discussed it briefly, and it’s mainly because it’s not something that I care to go into detail about, but I thought that I could put this little note here in order to remind myself that it’s not all doom and gloom, that there is a silver lining to this time of year.

I started to like myself again.

That sounds like something you’d hear in a crappy self help guide, but it’s true, for the past two years or so I haven’t been able to look myself in the mirror, I hated what I saw.

So, today was a waste and tomorrow probably will be too… but, you know, come what may, there’s always another day.

Day 47: Wasted Day

Today was a waste.

Considering that there’s not much of the day left when you wake up at five in the evening, it’s safe to say that nothing of merit was achieved today. I fell asleep earlier in the day at about five AM, for some reason it’s been more and more difficult to get to sleep at a reasonable time and even more difficult to go the long way around and stay awake for twenty four hours and fall asleep at about nine O’clock.

There’s always something that i can do of course, though with Christmas having just happened, I’m being a little forgiving of myself an my lethargic attitude, it might have something to do with my shit attitude towards the season.

One thing that I have noticed I want to change about this blog is the overall structure and the language I use within it, now I’m not talking about swearing, sometimes a good “fuck” or “shit” really does sum something up better than “it was really bad”.  What I want to see is greater variation in sentance structure, paragraphs in some form of order and a larger use of my vocabulary which has dwindled over recent years.

Other than that, today was a waste, nothing was achieved and nothing happened.

What a fucking shit day.

Day 46: Boxing Day.

Boxing day was better than Christmas for me, not least of which because I didn’t spend the day alone, but predominantly because I had a reason to actually use the stuff that I’d bought. Chief amongst these gifts would have been the Genki 1 text book that I’ve been looking at studying… or it would if I dind’t buy the exercise book rather than the actual text book.

So that was a bit of a faux pas on my behalf, but it’s nothing but a small set back even if the actual textbook is thirty pounds, but I suppose you can’t put a price on knowledge. So that will no doubt be one of my first purchases of the new year- that along with classes at a gym with a trainer.

It still hurts by the way, my leg, it’s not as bad as it was and I should be able to pick up the workouts again, though it might be more sensible to designate a lighter load for my legs, just to make sure I don’t exaccerbate things.

Other than that, boxing day was pretty quiet and it simply involved more red wine and making a small turkey korma, in order to get rid of the exess poultry Christmas always seems to bring with it; I did think about giving it to a homeless shelter, though that doesn’t seem to be an option now I’ve put a cream based sauce over the stuff. It tends to go off after a day or two.

But that was all today held.

I’m slipping back into old habits of doing nothing. I have to be pro active and take steps to get what I want.

Day 45: Christmas

Christmas is never really an affair that I enjoy, it tends to be the one day of the year that everyone spends with someone and I tend to spend alone, it’s just another day of the year, but it’s another day where I can’t get hold of any of my friends and I generally just drink myself into a stupor.

So this year was no different, I bought some stuff for myself online, I drank a bottle of red wine and past that I did nothing at all.

Sometimes Christmas is shite!

44: Overdid It Again

Today I decided that I would try my new workout, it was something that I’d pulled off of a reputable exercise website and was tagged as ”A Beginners Workout Session”…It could not have gone any worse. I must admit I expected it to be hard and I wasn’t let down in that expectation, it was hard and there were moments where I needed to rest between sets, but it was mostly punishing on my legs.

I suppose the irony of the whole situation is that because the exercises that I was instructed to perform on my legs were fewer in number I believed that they would be easier and, inversely, because the exercises on my arms were more plentiful they would be harder- how wrong I was.

On my legs, I had to perform forty five body weight compresses and forty five weighted dead lifts both in three sets of fifteen, I was wrecked by the end of them and I forget what I had to do with my arms except for lateral raises which, put simply, are the devil.

The kicker to all of this is that in the morning I realised that I hurt all over, and not the usual workout ache, I hurt! My right leg was in huge pain and my left upper back twinged and hurt terribly badly… so not only was I unable to complete the workout fully, but I did the exercises wrong and injured myself.

What kind of fuck-wit does that.

As a result of this I’ve chosen to actually go to the gym in the new year and have a trainer come up with a workout routine for me and show me how to do the exercises so I don’t completely ruin myself.

Until tomorrow.

Day 43: A Few Good Things

Today wasn’t overly packed with activities that granted me any benefit except for a few minor successes and the time to mull over what my steps should be with my exercise regimen and how I might implement updates on it and my physical form within this blog.

We’ll start with the musings over my exercise routine since I’ve touched on it lightly before. The idea that’s in my mind at the moment is that I’ll do an, on the side, update every fifteen days that details the exercise I did on what days, in what amounts and will attatch a picture for posterity, perhaps I can compare how I look now to how I’ll look in a few months or years time- hopefully less pale.

As for the other small successes today, they involved the location of a small, beginners exercise routine; I don’t believe that I’m executing the exercises correctly, however those that I am doing right wil surely tide me over to the new year where I will have a trainer sketch out a personalised plan.

Another success, sort of, is finally being up to datewith this wordpress account again, I’m no longer trying to recount what i did over the last four or five days, i’m writing about my days, the morning after, when it’s sstill fresh in my mind and i’m awake enough to give a decent commentary on it.

I’ve also tried to locate translated light novels for Sakurasou, but i realise this must be cheating since my best shot of reading them is to buy them, put them to the side and return to them when i can read kanji.

However that was it for today and over the next few day’s I’ll be doing more and more, but not enough to wear myself out.

Feels good to have some direction, no matter how small.

Day 42: Sleepy

Recently I’ve been waiting for my body to register that it’s not used to actually exercising and it should start aching, bearing in mind the ridiculous work out regimen I tried to force on myself. That hit today, it’s my arms mostly, they feel as though they’re on fire when I move them, but sadly, nowhere else does.

I realise that I’m supposed to impart some form of wisdom here but I don’t think that I can, I fell asleep at about nine AM in the morning and woke up at about six PM in the evening, nothing really happened and the stuff that did happen was mostly trivial, regarding how I get from A to B doing other stuff.

It’s a bit touch and go lately, I’m moving in the direction that I want to be going in, but it’s going slowly and I’m not progressing every day, so, hit and miss.

As for today, I believe that was all.

Nothing went wrong, nothing went right.

day 41: Strength Training

Today was pretty successful, though it seemed like failure originally, it is only, writing this a day later, now that I realise how successful it actually was. I’m no stranger to working out and I used to cultivate quite a muscular stature and though that has long since passed the lessons that it taught me haven’t. It imparted upon me the basic knowledge of what exercises train different muscles within the body.

Now, when I was muscular, I could work out three times a week and manage five sets of twenty reps on most areas of my body, the whole workout took around an hour to an hour and a half most days- not long as all. Whilst this workout, after a time was never going to garner me a huge amount of muscle mass, I never wanted it to; after I passed a certain point with my body I realised that it was rather pleasing to the eye, so being that I was plenty strong enough for most things, but still nimble enough to work with a blade I stopped building muscle and started to tone it.

Since then however it’s fair to say that my days or a relatively difficult workout scheme are over. Like an idiot, I decided that I would try to pick up exactly where I left off and that went terribly. What it boiled down to was me completing the work on my arms but when it came to working on on my chest and core well… I couldn’t do one push up.

It’s fair to say that it was a failure and it’s even more reasonable to say that because of the comparatively small workout, if you can call it that, there was no real benefit. The success, however, came from the fact that this has made me realise my physical limits and has forced me to begin looking for a workout that will actually help foster a new lifestyle.

Other than that, today was pretty quiet other than the fact that I finished watching the most heart touching anime that I have ever seen.

Sakurasou No Pet Na Kanajo.

It’s simply brilliant and it hit me right in my heart.

Loved it, ten out of ten.

40: Clan Night!

Every Monday and Thursday is clan night and all of the people I game with and play with online will come into a team speak and we’ll generally spend the next four hours shouting and screaming about how the other team on <insert game here> are hackers.

Welcome to the Special Needs Forces!

This has been going on for about three or four years now, it’s certainly not going to stop any time soon, that’s for sure. We are the “Best of the shitters” as we like to call ourselves and we’re all fucking mental.

True some members of the clan have respectable jobs like teachers and engineers but that seems to be just a ruse, something that they do, to get the money, that enables them to act like the children they really are.

But this Sunday was different, one of our members wives recently turned fourty, so, naturally this was a wonderful time for us to all meet up and generally get shitfaced… me more so than most.

So after downing three quarters of a bottle of red wine before even leaving the house and playing a drunken game of darts we finally decided that we should go. It was a bit of a dump, not that we cared obviously but still.

Most of the night was spent drinking and reveling and spilling drinks, it was fun and when we were finally turfed out of the social club, we went back to a friends house and continued to drink until the early morning (four AM).

Eventually I reached my limit and left through an upstairs window by sliding down a drain pipe and escaping into the night. Because apparently drunk me thinks I’m batman.

But that was all that happened today, it was a good day.