Day 89: Stopping Lying.

Over the coming weeks I intend to stop lying.

This statement needs some clarification though, yes I intend to stop lying, but what I mean by ‘lying’ might not be what you initially think. What I actually mean is, I need to stop telling people that I can, and will, do things when, in my mind, I know full well that I will not. It is not through maliciousness that I say these things, instead I know it stems from awkwardness; it’s such an awkward thing to say “no” but it is the cruellest irony, that saying yes, causes even more ill will and disappointment.

Even if it is antisocial to say no, I owe it to myself to start saying it and should they request a reason for my rejection, I should be as candid as possible and, at the start, not fear saying “because I don’t want to” or “I’m not interested”. To some people, saying something that blunt, but equally as honest is rude and, unfortunately, there’s no pleasing these people. You could argue that there are more diplomatic ways of dealing with questions that would provoke these answers, regrettably I know me and if I were to try to be more diplomatic, my weak will would only make me say yes.

On the other hand I know that I need to start saying yes more as well and, rather than lying to others, I need to stop lying to myself and saying no to opportunity. It’s true that a lot of people say no to things that they want to do, social anxiety, amongst other things, can get the better of people… I know it does for me. Having said that, from now on, when people ask me to do things that I ‘do’ want to do, I won’t say no, I’ll say yes vehemently. I want to start doing things!

As for what I want to do, I’m not entirely certain. I know for a fact that I want to find a gaming clan and that I want to find some form of extracurricular activity to participate in, perhaps archery, I’m pretty good at that and there are a few clubs for it within my vicinity. It might be a good place to start. In failing both of these I will no doubt ask my friends to introduce me to some of their contacts, hopefully they’ll say yes and their acquaintances will take a shine to me.

Today will be a somewhat short post since it’s late and I’m tired, there’s little more exposition that I can add to this other than what I have stated previously.

Good night.

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