May 15th 2016
Today, late at night I found a friend in crisis and, whilst he didn’t ask for my help, I decided to throw in my two cents and, as is my nature, only made things worse; I wasn’t very sensitive and my advice, I admit, was phrased in such a way that it was asymptotic of an accusation that he wasn’t doing enough to improve his situation. To this statement I can only say vehemently that: that was not my intention and that I feel terrible for making him feel like that.
I feel guilty.
That’s significant for two reasons, the first is that I actually feel guilty, I’m not the most empathetic of people and i struggle at the best of times to share the emotions of my friends an peers, so feeling guilty to such a severe degree is, well, quite simply staggering. The second reason why this is significant is because this man, who shall remain nameless, is family to me, not in blood, something much stronger and I care for him to such a degree that when he hurts I hurt. He’s guided me out of the dark so many times before, now I want to do the same for him.
I pushed too hard and it absolutely enraged him, but I stand by what I said, I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and I articulated myself as such. The whole ordeal was very emotionally draining but I believe the resolution that we reached, three hours later, with cooler tempers, was the best that could be achieved in a short amount of time.
As I write this I’m fading in and out of consciousness, it’s five to four in the morning and I’m far less than articulate at the moment, the wording of this post is shocking, the structure is all wrong and my punctuation is sub par, but I don’t care…
All I want to do right now is sleep!